Charisma and the Power of Influence: Lessons from the World of Cats and Dogs
September 30, 2010 at 11:33 AM
No, not at all! We believe that a charismatic leader seeks power of influence rather than the influence of power, and that even those not blessed with a high degree of innate personal magnetismm, charisma is something that can be improved and used to influence teams, companies, countries.
What make a Charismatic Leader?
We believe charismatic leaders:
- are authentic
- have a flexible leadership style and can switch between being ‘credible’ (authoritative), and approachable
- are consistently ‘soft on people, hard on issues’
Take stock of who you are and bring that person to work. Consider:
- how has your background formed your character?
- how does it inspire you?
- where does it hold you back?
- what are you proud of in your family background?
- what changes can you make to your beliefs about yourself that will empower you to be
- an authentic leader
- what experiences have formed your character?
Making relatively small changes in voice patterns, presentation, body language – the non-verbal behaviours – will have a profound effect, not only on how that person appears externally, but also on how they feel internally. The result can be a big positive change and more perceived charisma.
Professor Richard Wiseman, Professor of the Public Understanding of Psychology, University of Hertfordshire, and author of The Luck Factor, gives some hints for attaining more charisma. These include:
- Use an open body posture, hands away from the face when talking
- Stand upright, relax, hands apart with palms forwards or upwards
- With individuals: let people know they matter and you enjoy being around them, develop a genuine smile, nod when they talk, briefly touch on the upper arm, and maintain eye contact for person-to-person conversations
- With a group: be comfortable, move around to appear enthusiastic, lean slightly forward and look at all parts of the group
- Message: move beyond status quo and make a differnece, be controversial, new simple to understand, counter-intuitie
- Speech: be clear, fluent, forceful and articulate, evoke imagery, use an upbeat temp, occasionally slow for tension or emphasis.
These are useful tips but perhaps daunting to some. To be ‘clear, fluent, forceful and articulate’, may not be your natural style and the thought of using metaphor or imagery in your talks could be frightening rather than encouraging. For those who prefer their tips to have a practical bent, I can suggest putting the ‘cat and dog’ theory of Leadership and communication into practice.
Cats and Dogs
Part of a Coach’s work involves sitting in on a client’s meetings and noting behaviours and attitudes that are prevalent at the table. It’s fascinating work, all the more intriguing since I graduated from Group Dynamics, a course run by Michael Grinder, brother of the equally famous John (a founding name in the world of NLP). Michael addresses the intriguing question: ‘What makes a Charismatic leader?” His answer is ‘someone who is not in love with the influence of power, but rather is in love with the power of influenc’, in other words someone who knows how to combine the ‘cat’ and ‘dog’ aspects of their personality. Cat people tend to have a ‘credible’ persona – authoritative demeanour, flat-toned voice tone turning down at the end, body language calm and still – and tend to command immediate attention. Dog people have a more ‘approachable’ style. They have a more friendly demeanour, smile and nod more, use open palms when speaking and their voice pattern is lilting and turns up at the end. We all have access to both these sets of qualities; but knowing how and when to use them is the important issue.
According to Michael Grinder’s research, around 70 per cent of the Western world are ‘dogs’ and 30 per cent are ‘cats’. Also, statistically, women are more likely to be dogs. In the business world, it is the cats that tend to be first in line for promotion and who get the leadership jobs. Does that mean they are the best people for those jobs? Not necessarily, not unless they also know how to use their ‘dog’ qualities too, but cats are sometimes ruthless in their pursuit of their career and may care much about the human debris left in their wake as they plough through the waters of their personal ambition. Meanwhile dogs are often puzzled to see that the cats they have supported get to the top while they do not!
So how do you know if you are more of a dog or a cat? See the table (Fig. 1). I say ‘more of’, because of course we are using generalisations here. But the generalisation is useful, if only to help us understand our natural style and help us make changes that will increase our influence and our charisma.
Case History - Observing an executive meeting
When facilitating an executive meeting recently, with a brief to give feedback afterwards on the style of the three senior people attending, here’s what I noticed about the non-verbal communication of three senior attendees.
DAVID
Observations
Did not bother with pleasantries, but sat straight down at the table:
- Sat with head and body still
- Sat slightly forward on his chair with straight back Looked attentively, without smiling at the speaker, or leant back, looked down and played with his Blackberry
- Hands under the table or clasped on the table
- Appeared bored with the conversation
- Tendency to aggressive attack of others, fingers pointing while looking intently and critically at the other person, breathing high in the chest, thus making his voice sound angry
- Ignored his PA who brought him coffee
- Spoke little but when he did used a ‘credible’ or ‘cat’ voice pattern – flat, decisive and turned down at the end of the sentence.
Diagnosis
Almost 100 per cent CAT.
David is a powerful individual but at this meeeting took no time to build relationships, was aggressive and 'cold'. When decisions were to be made, the other attendees looked to David, often with a certain amount of trepidation. No one challenged him – just too scary. David was clearly used to this pattern of communication and not especially bothered by it. It was normal to him. He got results by it, but did not engage his team, except by force of will. He is likely to lose the following of the 'dogs' in the company who look for praise and 'the human touch.
Coaching for David
- Start using a more approachable style to show you value people
- When conversing normally or praising others, use eye contact, nod the head, smile, show interest in that person
- When giving negative or critical feedback use ‘third point’ – a flipchart of a sheet of paper to back up your statements. Guide the other person’s eyes down to that piece of paper and look at it together. In that way, the relationship with that person is preserved and you show the problem is the issue, not them personally.
- Breathe low to reduce the effect of ‘anger’ in your voice and encourage others to relax too
- Seek more influence, less power
- ‘Soft on people, hard on issues’, is the key.
SARAH
Observations
- Moved around in her chair
- Fiddled with pens
- Put hands up to her face or leant her chin on her hand
- Constantly smoothed or twiddled her hair
- Lolled in her chair
- Swung her legs
- Turned fully to the coffee bringer and thanked her profusely
- Spoke often and quickly
- Asked questions or commented a good deal with a lilting voice turned up at the ends
- Smiled all the time, even when serious issues were being discussed
- Threw glances at David to see his reaction
Diagnosis Almost 100 per cent DOG
No one took much notice of Sarah, even when she had something interesting and pointed to say, which she did, because she threw the comments away in what appeared to be a weak interjection. If the others did look her way, it was because her behaviour was distracting, annoying or unnerving. This was a classic scenario: a woman with an ‘approachable’ style complains that she makes a great point, no one listens, and then a few minutes later a man with a ‘credible’ style repeats it and everyone agrees. David repeated one of her points (without reference to her) and everyone nodded and wrote it down.
Coaching for Sarah
- Adopt some ‘cat’ characteristics – still body language and flat voice pattern turned down at the end – particularly when making important points
- Wait for someone to take a breath before interrupting, to give yourself some airspace
- If necessary raise your voice over the hubbub of voices to get attention (eg, ‘Just one thing!’), pause until all are looking your way, then speak in a more whispery voice to make your point – but a SLOW, whispery voice. This is a great attention grabber
- Breathe low in your abdomen to take your voice level down and to reduce any possible stress. If you breathe high you will sound whiney or breathy
- Always use pauses when speaking and speak more slowly. “This.....is the direction....we need to take." It makes you seem even more intelligent!
- Put your hand out, palm down when making your point and leave it there, head still, for a split second longer than you think you want to! this will also grab attention
- Engage everyone around the table with your eyes
INDIRA
Observations
• Welcomed everyone as they came in in a friendly way, with a personal interchange or question
• At this early stage of the proceedings, Indira spoke lightly with palms open, a nodding head and a smile, approachable voice pattern (lilting and turning up at the end)
• Gave a general introduction in an impassioned voice, pausing, breathing low, engaging
all in her topic
• Engaged questioners by turning towards them, listening and nodding
• When turning to the issues, she used a flipchart – making the information visual – using
‘third point’.
• When dealing with these issues, she changed her body language to ‘credible’ – still head,
still body, set face, voice tone flat and going down at the end, pausing, looking intelligent and
breathing low.
• With one particularly difficult issue, where someone around the table had made a mistake with
figures that had had some severe consequences, she took pains not to blame the perpetrator
who was present (David did interject to do this) but instead presented the issue as a problem
for the team to solve together. They rose to the occasion with faces saved.
Diagnosis
A good mix of CAT and DOG and a promising charismatic leader
Indira gained the respect of the room. She was soft on people, hard on issues, able to move from ‘approachable’ to ‘credible’ appropriately – half dog, half cat. She sought to influence rather than dictate with power. As she had not cast any blame on anyone in particular, the person responsible for the ‘mistake’ took the blame himself because it was a safe environment in which to do so. David went up to her afterwards and asked her some questions. As a leader, therefore, Indira is likely to gain the affection of the ‘dogs’ in the Company, and the ‘respect’ of the cats. She will also be a good intermediary, interpreting messages for each group.
Coaching for Indira
- Keep up the good work!
- Coach others in an adaptable cat/dog style that is soft on people and hard on issues
Clearly, for a leader to excel, behind these practical techniques there must be a confident, calm and emotionally intelligent individual whose behaviour is consistent, but if you practice your ‘cat’ and ‘dog’ systematically, you will be amazed at the results and find your increased confidence will lead to greater influence in your Organisation.
Michael Grinder is a Coach and Trainer in Group Dynamics and can be contacted on www.mga.com.
Edwina runs Workshops on Impact and Charisma with special attention to developing credibility and approachability as optional communication styles. Below are some comments from delegates at a talk on the subject at the Dorking CIPD.
“Highly thought provoking and highly applicable”
“An interesting and informative presentation. Thank you”
“Fantastic evening – best learning opportunity for me from this year’s programme”
“Topic was very relevant”.
“Best CIPD this year”
“Very interesting and surprising”
“Simple content well presented with some good practical exercises to demonstrate the point.”
“Good to be introduced to a different model to improve oneself.”
“I enjoyed the interactive parts of the session`’
“Excellent”
“Very interactive meeting. Enjoyable”
“This was a fabulous meeting!”
Coach: Edwina Biucchi
©2010 Plus Partnership Ltd
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